I don’t if this got to me because I’m watching PS. I Love You…but..

It doesn’t matter who you are, where you are in life, or who you are with now. Seeing someone you once saw a life with that you know a part of you will always love, still hurts like hell seeing them happy with someone else. Even if you’re still trying to convince yourself you are happy for them as well and a part of you really is happy for them. There’s still that part that hurts deep down within your chest as though that piece of heart was given away and then lost because that other person never fully received your love and gave back what you did in return. Honestly I don’t like feeling like this and I wish I never fell for my high school best friend and yeah maybe it wouldn’t of happened if he didn’t pursue me and then lead me on. But this just sucks, he knocked this girl up out of the blue he hasn’t even been with that long probably as long as she’s been prego and she just had the baby and she’s beautiful has his eyes and I am happy for them he’s going to be a great dad. I took one look at the picture of him holding his new born baby girl and I cried and it came out of no where! I just want to be happy for him and happy for me because I’m in a great relationship almost two years now and these emotions and feeling are just not healthy and just being me down and feel guilty for even having when I don’t want them! I wish I could throw away or burn my feeling out of me, even though that’s leave more of a scare than he already has left on my heart.

3 weeks ago // 0 notes

I guess eventually you have to move on, and I guess eventually when that happens it might not be your choice.
I guess when your feelings still linger and sting you need to lock them up and lose the key.
Even if they resurface for some reason throughout the years they’ll be a lost thought, just memories untold and a feeling of love that was once never sold.
Try not too look back too far because you might get lost from something that seems so distant like a star.
To me I’ll always share that love I put a disclaimer on even if no one ever said I couldn’t be a tamer of your affection. As the desire has died down so has our friendship, we’re now both happy with someone else, yet I have written this why? It feels better to get this out then holding it in, but my heart dies a little everyday within. As I grow older, I’ve learned what love I need, and should have, verses what my clouded mind and heart always wanted. You were what I wanted growing up, what I thought I wanted, and who I wanted to grow older with. But now that I am a little older, a little more mature, and just a little less in love with you, you’re not who I want, who I should have or who I am in love with. My eyes and heart have seen what love is and my body has felt the real ness of the touch of how it should be, and it’s because he loves all of me. Every crevice and inch of me, from my curly unmanageable hair, to my poop brown eyes, to my curvy figure to my sarcastic mouth, he loves me for me and for that I feel happy, loved, and see a future with him.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t have been the one to help you be a better you, but I’m glad you have found someone to change you for the better without even knowing who you were and what you’ve done. I’m glad those days and those ways of you are over but most of all I’m glad that what if of us is very far.
All I know now is to live life, hope for the best, wish for a brighter future and just BREATH.

1 month ago // 7 notes
The truth will set you free? Really?

I never post or write anymore on here because my feelings are real and the truth hurts. So the last thing I want to do is hurt someone who loves me with the truth.

2 months ago // 0 notes
Mean while,

Everyone is having relationship issues, I’m over here enjoying some great sex my bf delivers! ;)

8 months ago // 1 note
My boyfriend & I! <3
Why is a raven like a writing desk? #aliceinwonderland #redlips #redlipstick #lips #lipstick #pretty #selfie #selfportrait #photography #photo #beautiful #beauty #cute #upsidedown #me #myself #memyselfandi #myselfandi #myface #follow me #gorgeous #orovalley #tucson #az #style #kiss #selfmodel #sweater #fashion #love
🐱🐱😘💋😍❤She forgot to lift the toilet seat up! 😆😋#Rin #mybaby #kitty #kittycat #kitten #mycat #catlover #catsofinstagram #catimakittycat #meow #shescute #lilbaby #cat #mychild #mykitty #mykittycat #catsmeow #creeper #watchingme #bathtime #kittys #blacknwhite #feline #anime #animename #Inuyasha #ourbaby #mybabygirl #catlady #futurecatlady🐱🐱❤😍💋😘
❤🎊🎈🍰🎂🎁🎉#HappyBirthday @jackiewheeler_  #imissyou You’re one of my most favorite people to be around, you have the most amazing energy and pure ness you give off from your heart. I miss seeing you smile, hearing your laugh and sharing many fun moments with you. I treasure all our memories, our random jokes, videos, car rides (with the top down) 😊👌 I miss all our inside jokes and silly gestures and your ditzy moments we all can laugh about. I miss the times you pretended to know what was being discussed and start laughing and that would just make us all laugh. I miss our late night study sessions, either at your casa (I miss your parents) OB, or TS! You’re always an amazing friend, and a genuine person who always tries to be there for me no matter what. I wish I didn’t live as far as I do now from you or any of the other girls. I miss you all! You’re such a strong individual Jackie, you’re driven by passion and the belief that others can all do good and make a change. I am so glad to have met you and call you my friend, and I know that no matter what that will never change distance or not, you will always be one of my #BestFriends I love you soo much, go have fun and enjoy yourself you deserve it, and while others can’t change you can still be you, do you and make the change that you want to see and who you want to be. You’re an inspirational friend, you give motivation in many ways and always give me hope for a better outcome in situations. I’m glad that I have been able to be there for you and I hope you still come to me when you need a #friend! Because #yougotafriendinme! ❤ ONE AGAIN HAPPY BIRTHDAY #JDUB #LOVEYA #23 dang we #gettingold #birthdaygirl #mygirl #bestie #bffl #loveher #foreverfriends #mychickbadmychickhood #friends #bestfriendsforever PS. I miss games nights, girls nights, PIZZA TIME! #ilikethecheese I MISS EVERYTHING! Hope you have a good birthday and I hope you I get to see you this weekend! 👍❤🎈🎉🎁🎂🍰🎊
Last in Line, awesome band from PA check them out! :D
5 more days until all the miles and distance finally comes to an end.

Flying out to Washington to spend time with my boyfriend and his family and driving back to Arizona while stopping in Cali for a few days to go on the Napa Valley wine tour for our one year and go to six flags and see my family! Soo excited for Jordan to finally moving and going to be living with me, it’s been too long without him and some not so great nights sleeping alone, Thank god for skype though, I’d be even more deprived of his attention/affection if not for technology that brought us together and kept up together and strong within these months being apart. I can’t believe in 9 days it will already be a year! Words couldn’t even describe how much he means to me and how much I love him, he’s my best friend! :)

11 months ago // 0 notes