Going to Vegas in 3 days with some of my friends I’ve known for 10years now! :)
When you get woken up by your bf cuddling and loving on you….yeah the best! ;)
It doesn’t matter who you are, where you are in life, or who you are with now. Seeing someone you once saw a life with that you know a part of you will always love, still hurts like hell seeing them happy with someone else. Even if you’re still trying to convince yourself you are happy for them as well and a part of you really is happy for them. There’s still that part that hurts deep down within your chest as though that piece of heart was given away and then lost because that other person never fully received your love and gave back what you did in return. Honestly I don’t like feeling like this and I wish I never fell for my high school best friend and yeah maybe it wouldn’t of happened if he didn’t pursue me and then lead me on. But this just sucks, he knocked this girl up out of the blue he hasn’t even been with that long probably as long as she’s been prego and she just had the baby and she’s beautiful has his eyes and I am happy for them he’s going to be a great dad. I took one look at the picture of him holding his new born baby girl and I cried and it came out of no where! I just want to be happy for him and happy for me because I’m in a great relationship almost two years now and these emotions and feeling are just not healthy and just bringing me down and making me feel guilty for even having them, when I don’t want them! I wish I could throw away or burn my feeling out of me, even though that’ll leave more of a scare than he already has left on my heart.
I guess eventually you have to move on, and I guess eventually when that happens it might not be your choice.
I guess when your feelings still linger and sting you need to lock them up and lose the key.
Even if they resurface for some reason throughout the years they’ll be a lost thought, just memories untold and a feeling of love that was once never sold.
Try not too look back too far because you might get lost from something that seems so distant like a star.
To me I’ll always share that love I put a disclaimer on even if no one ever said I couldn’t be a tamer of your affection. As the desire has died down so has our friendship, we’re now both happy with someone else, yet I have written this why? It feels better to get this out then holding it in, but my heart dies a little everyday within. As I grow older, I’ve learned what love I need, and should have, verses what my clouded mind and heart always wanted. You were what I wanted growing up, what I thought I wanted, and who I wanted to grow older with. But now that I am a little older, a little more mature, and just a little less in love with you, you’re not who I want, who I should have or who I am in love with. My eyes and heart have seen what love is and my body has felt the real ness of the touch of how it should be, and it’s because he loves all of me. Every crevice and inch of me, from my curly unmanageable hair, to my poop brown eyes, to my curvy figure to my sarcastic mouth, he loves me for me and for that I feel happy, loved, and see a future with him.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t have been the one to help you be a better you, but I’m glad you have found someone to change you for the better without even knowing who you were and what you’ve done. I’m glad those days and those ways of you are over but most of all I’m glad that what if of us is very far.
All I know now is to live life, hope for the best, wish for a brighter future and just BREATH.
I never post or write anymore on here because my feelings are real and the truth hurts. So the last thing I want to do is hurt someone who loves me with the truth.